您现在的位置是:探索 >>正文
【】TopicsTwitterDonald TrumpElections
探索7人已围观
简介Note from the Editor: You've no doubt already heard about the political parody Bridget Trump? The lo ...
Note from the Editor: You've no doubt already heard about the political parody Bridget Trump? The love child of Donald Trump and Bridget Jones has been making people giggle with her parody Twitter account filled with pithy statements that are remarkably similar to a certain businessman turned POTUS.。
SEE ALSO:'Bridget Trump's Diary' is the parody Twitter account we all need in our lives。The brainchild of British comic Tiff Stevenson, Bridget Trump, is obviously very, very busy and very, very important. Bridget Trump took a break from tweeting to attend the inauguration and the Women's March over the weekend. Miraculously, she also managed to squeeze in a diary entry. Here's how it went:。
Bridget Trump's Diary, London, Saturday 21st January 2017 。
Calories 4,000 (post inauguration)
Times I avoided eye contact with Nigel Farage last night 67

09.00 AM。
I woke up feeling great about yesterday's inauguration, although I can't believe that Hillary showed up and wore white on MY BIG DAY. Also Kellyanne (best friend) turned up looking like she was about to lead the marching band. I think the vile media has sent her quite mad. By the time Pence was sworn in I was absolutely ravished (not in a good way) as all I had eaten was half a packet of wheat crunchies.。
Pence was sworn in ...must be what it feels like to be a bridesmaid. The choir were as AWFUL as those carol singers that show up yearly at mum and dads... was sorely tempted to tell them to bugger off! However I maintained a cool, dignified stance.。
FINALLY I was sworn in. I was v nervous about it. Lots of business-y words like SOLEMNLY; CONSTITUTION. I *think* the latter is about regular bowel movement...So now am no longer saddo PEOTUS but fully fledged independent POTUS!!!! In charge of myself AND the nuclear codes. I Bridget Trump was feeling good
However...It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces. Found out this morning via the vile media that some women are marching to protest my new top job. Well... apparently they are also marching against the oppression of women worldwide blah blah... but I chose to ignore that.
My first response was to call my friend Piers in floods of tears. He said he would tell those nasty women what for and arrange a march for men. What about men's rights? Why won't someone think of them? Why won't someone think of them? I think of them all day long because they are dreamy. Hmmmmm. 。
Thanks for signing up!。
Now, after sex, the best form of exercise is walking! Walking is tremendous! On good days I like to stride across Westminster Bridge or up 5th avenue. Feel the wind in my hair (it's definitely MY hair) and shake off the rust. 。
11.45 AM
I decided to sneak in to the march if only to burn calories. Not because I care about what any of these awful people think. The plan was to remove at least 2 inches from thigh circumference. Upon arriving at the march, I was shocked to see placards mocking my hair, my skin tone and my lack of political experience. 。
Feel very blue about the whole thing. There were so many people there. But not more than the inauguration and certainly not more than the TV viewing figures of the inauguration!!!! I don't want that FAKE NEWS getting out there.。
All kinds over OVERRATED women were there. Stand-up comedians like Sandi Toksvig, Tiff Stevenson, Sara Pascoe; Sarah Kendall. These women tell jokes for a living why don't they concentrate on real things like Miss Universe competitions? Ugh.
Very RUDE actresses like Sharon Horgan, Amanda Abingdon and Rebecca Hall. Nasty women indeed. Female politicians like Yvette Cooper; Stella Creasy. Ugh Even some men, I spotted Peter Capaldi, John C Reilly, Ian McKellen, Sadiq Khan and the worst by far ...the writer of that left wing hit job musical Lin Manuel Miranda himself. 。
Why?
Why? Oh why does everyone hate me? I'm destined to die alone and be found three weeks later half eaten by Alsatians. They should all apologise immediately!!!!!
At one point I couldn't walk anymore so someone carried me. There went my weight loss plan!
I'm 1,000% certain that 1,000,000% of people on that march think I am national laughing stock with a bottom the size of Brazil.。
Miles walked 1.5
Pussies grabbed 0 (v annoying) 。
Calories consumed 800 (4 packets of M&M's)
Amount of people there who I could consider a special relationship with 0
Tiff Stevenson (a.k.a. Bridget Trump) is on tour from now until May 5, including two shows at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre on Feb. 24 and 25. More information: http://tiffstevenson.co.uk。
Featured Video For You 。
Tags:
转载:欢迎各位朋友分享到网络,但转载请说明文章出处“夫榮妻貴網”。http://new.maomao321.com/news/91a5599853.html
相关文章
5 people Tim Cook calls for advice on running the biggest company in the world
探索It's only fitting that the leader of the biggest company in the world has a pretty impressive list o ...
【探索】
阅读更多梅西賽後發飆後續,FIFA撤下爭議裁判 ,不敢讓他再禍害世界杯了(梅西 世界杯 進球)
探索梅西賽後發飆後續 ,FIFA撤下爭議裁判 ,不敢讓他再禍害世界杯了梅西 世界杯 進球)_世界杯 ( 裁判,梅西 )www.ty42.com 日期:2022-12-10 00:00:00| 評論(已有35 ...
【探索】
阅读更多梅西太厲害 !被金球獎主辦方總部虧待多年,仍有七個金球獎 !(梅西第四次金球獎是哪一年)
探索梅西太厲害!被金球獎主辦方總部虧待多年 ,仍有七個金球獎!梅西第四次金球獎是哪一年)_世界杯 ( 金球獎,梅西 )www.ty42.com 日期:2022-12-20 00:00:00| 評論(已有3 ...
【探索】
阅读更多